


Manic Pixie Dream Girl Says What?

by WolfstarPups90



Series: Infinite Verse [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anti Remadora, April Fools, Crack Fic, Fake Chapter, Gen, Lily and James also date Snape, None of it makes sense, Not nice towards Tonks tbh, Sorry Not Sorry, This was a joke I played on readers of WWI, Time Travel, We Were Infinite, You've been warned, because I was obviously on crack, oh and Sirius marries umbridge, this isn't real
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-04
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2019-04-18 12:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14213259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfstarPups90/pseuds/WolfstarPups90
Summary: March passed by in a blur, the steadily rising tension of upcoming final exams and graduation weighing heavily on the seventh years students. April promised warmer weather and brighter colors and a buzz of excitement for all things new and colorful.Maybe a little too new and colorful, in Sirius' opinion....





	Manic Pixie Dream Girl Says What?

**Author's Note:**

> ((This was posted as the new chapter of We Were Infinite on April Fools Day. I have removed it from the fic and, as promised, posted it separately to keep it immortalized for fans who got a kick out of it XD. Please do not get upset over the way Tonks is portrayed here. It's a joke and I do not mean it seriously....well, not THAT seriously....))

March passed by in a blur, the steadily rising tension of upcoming final exams and graduation weighing heavily on the seventh years students like the remains of the last snowstorm of the winter season on a brital tree branch. The slushy, icy, messy kind of snow that wasn’t so much fun and pretty and white as it was grey and just...inconvenient. 

Everyone was on edge. 

However, April promised warmer weather and brighter colors and a buzz of excitement for all things new and colorful. 

Maybe a little too new and colorful…

Sirius frowned around the spoon of cereal that was still in his mouth, his eyes catching a flash of pink from across the Great Hall in the sea of black and yellow that was the Hufflepuff table. “Is that a new student?” He asked, turning to the side to address the empty space next to him. 

James raised an eyebrow at him. “Who are you talking to, Sirius?” 

Sirius blinked at the empty space, then at James. “Huh…” He said thoughtfully. “That’s so strange, I could have sworn there was another person that usually sits with us. Moony, wasn’t there another person we were friends with? Moony?” 

But Remus wasn’t paying attention to his boyfriend at all, because randomly-appearing-pink-haired-new-hufflepuff was heading right towards him. 

New girl grinned prettily at them and without a word wedged herself into the space between Sirius and Remus. “Wotcher, Remus!”

“Er...do I know you?” 

“Well, not yet. But I’m from the future. I’m your wife.” 

Sirius spat out his cereal. “Manic Pixie Dream Girl Says What Now?” 

The girl nodded. “I’m also Sirius’ cousin. Well, his cousin’s kid anyway-”

“Nymphadora!?” Sirius sputtered.

Manic Pixie Dream Girl of false LGBT representation glared at him. “Don’t call me Nymphadora. I go by Tonks.”  

Remus stared at her, then back at Sirius, then back at her again. “Er...I don’t know if I’m comfortable with this?” 

Tonks shook her head. “I don’t really care about your personal boundaries regarding the situation to be completely honest. Just trust me, we’re married.” 

“What about Sirius?”

“He’s dead.” 

“EXCUSE ME!?” Sirius shouted.

Remus shrugged. “Okay...I mean, it sounds fake, but okay.” 

Sirius’ jaw dropped. “Okay, can you believe this bullshi- fuck, why do I keep doing that?” he swore as he once again addressed the empty seat next to him. “James, mate, are you sure we never had another friend?” 

James shook his head. “Moony, Padfoot and Prongs. That’s all there’s ever been. I mean who else could there be?” 

Sirius scratched his head. “I don’t know, I’m feeling like we’re missing someone…”

“Speaking of missing people,” Lily spoke up, completely disregarding the fact that Remus was snogging this girl from the future that was literally a toddler in their own present time practically on top of a panicking Sirius. “I’ve come to accept Severus’ apologies for calling me a racial slur and I have realized that I do actually have romantic feelings for both him and James.” 

“I’m so glad you said something, Lily.” said James. “Because I was just thinking the other day that we should just bury the hatchet and ask Severus Snape to date us both.” 

“That sounds like a spiffing idea.” Said Lily. “Let’s go do that now.” And they both stood and walked to the Slytherin table where moments later Severus Snape was crying tears of joy and accepting their proposal. 

In a fit of rage - due to the loss of his boyfriend and his friends to some sort of insanity - Sirius immediately wrote home to his parents telling them that he had seen the error of his ways and he was ready to accept their terms and come back to the family and do whatever it was they wanted because clearly he had made the wrong choice. 

Walburga and Orion were thrilled at their son’s return to the family and announced that they had made new arrangements for him to be married at once, but since Bellatrix had already been betrothed to Lestrange, Sirius would be married off to an eligible woman of proper social standing and politics, Dolores Umbridge. Sirius was fine with this because he was so mad about losing his werewolf boyfriend and he figured he might as well just go all out anti werewolf as well as completely fucking insane. 

He was still confused about whether or not there had ever been a fourth marauder, but he supposed if there had been, they probably just didn’t matter. 

Also Marlene and Dorcas announced that they were never gay. In fact there was only ever one homosexual person within the walls of Hogwarts and that was Albus Dumbledore, who rollerbladed through the halls waving a rainbow flag with well known wizard hitler Grindelwald’s - played by Johnny Depp - face on it. 

  
  


The End. 

  
  


“Finite incantatem” Said Peter. 

 

Sirius, Remus and James all screamed as the magical illusion was shattered. 

“What the FUCK was that!?” Sirius exclaimed, his voice about three octaves higher than usual and his eyes wide with horror. 

“...why...why would I agree to date Snivellus?” James asked, visibly trembling and rocking back and forth in the corner of the dorm room. 

“....Sirius, your cousin’s daughter is like...like two years old, right?” Said Remus, seeming dazed and perturbed. 

“April Fools bitches.” Said Peter. 

The other three stared at him.

“The fuck, Peter!?” 

“I wanted you to see what it would be like if I didn’t exist.” Said Peter. “Crazy, right? Butterfly effect.” 

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Pete, literally none of that would have anything to do with you existing or not.” 

“Yeah I know.” Peter sighed. “The author just needed a good way to close out this April Fools Day joke on the readers and she figured she’d throw in a reminder that I deserve to be appreciated as an important member of the group.” 

Sirius and James nodded. “That makes sense.” 

  
  
  


But it doesn’t make sense at all, of course. 

 

April Fools. 


End file.
